`weekiat*
`geraldine*
`huixian*
`virginia*
`erina*
'royston*
`benjamin*
`jasmine*
`jenny jie*
`val jiejie*
`tiffany*
`melody*
`iris*
`rachel*
'yuen leng*
'geraldine11*
'joel*
'sherry*
'terry*
`huikoon*
`tasneem*
`jocelyn*
`khinewa*
`sherman*
`sheryl*
`thiamkee*
`justin*
`bernard*
`kevin.caleb*
`tingzhang*
`inez*
`xiangting*
`luther*
`genevis*

haiz.haiz.

i shall not talk abt MY jct. because i suck. i totally suck la. i really... i think i'm wasting that space in singapore, in tjc. now, i really have to admit it. i am stupid. pure. i hate that feeling.. i dun wan history to repeat can? i'm really petrified.

anyway. the second haiz is for my friend.

i guess, he didnt meet his expectations (all As i supposed) for JCT, and today i heard that he just dropped his two S papers. i'm damn concerned la. as in... i always think he has that potential and i can see, in that top scorer list, he will be one of them, armed with 4As and 2 S papers distinction. but.. he just gave up.. his dream?

it is such a waste. he was totally so disheartened today. in school, i didnt dare to talk to him.... i have to care for him. he is not only my frend, but also my sectionmate! plus, he dun really open up to pple, kinda quiet or u can say, cool? i must show some concern..

so.. decided to ask him online, since it is ''easier'' to talk... and i found out that, the usual confident him.. is gone. totally.. or maybe most of it. he is demoralised. he has lost his confidence. he seemed.. to belittle himself.

at first, it was a COLD conversation, with him replying me with mono-syllabus answers.. "what?" "so, what do you want?"

however, i pressed on... i know, he knew himself, he knows that he doesnt open very much to pple and it is not easy for him or others to be frens. but i must let him know, at least the flute section like me vivian and hakliang.. we cared..

i asked.... if he really had dropped his s papers...and after like fifteen minutes.. he replied... "
na.. i guess i'm just not good enuf to take s papers.."

it is so sad. i was stunned. period. because, confident him has belittled himself to such an extent...when i said.. i'm rooting for him to be the top few in sch.. and he asked.. if i nv see how badly he was thrashed by the other fellow tjcians... especially those from 01-02-17 those are creme of the crop.

haiz. if u know my friend, u should know he works really hard. he is very very hardworking and doesnt play a fool especially in studies. plus he is an all-rounder. he is very consistent one..

haiz. but he added, he has been thinking for quite some time already.. i feel that it is such a waste!!!! why why? why now??? now??? u have pia for so long already!!

one thing shocked me as well is that... after we said good night and stuffs.. he sent a msg before going off... he said... maybe vivian was right... good genes do not run in the family..

goodness. i'm really heartbroken.. to hear such words from him... i'm at a loss.. i hope i can make him to be more confident!! he isnt like that.. today has been the ''worst'' day for him perhaps. i hope i can make him feel better.. by talking to him and giving him a listening ear. because when i need one.. virginia huixian or vivian is always there for me...

smile la. seriously, to me.. u are the best already... i hope u will feel better...

`scribbled at-
Wednesday, July 06, 2005