Wednesday, November 16, 2005
i'm back.with much more regrets.regret why didnt i study brine.. why did i ask more abt variance and mean... why why why... many more WHYS!in short.. i think i screwed up my alevels??ha. as geraldine said.. no point thinking already, because it is over.. and yes it'll soon be over.. and after the results day, we are going to embark on the next phase of our life...too soon?? haha i'm quite yearning for it.. i'm seriously very sick (of my notes). sighsigh. i am not expectating As already... i just hope to get decent grades for everything.. so that i could go into university....if i did well.. i can go overseas... which i am really looking forward to... it's my dream...but alas, dreams are just fantasies of the mind... yet, i'm praying that these fantasies would turn into reality..hmmm... haiz. i am very disappointed with myself... yes, there are some qns i didnt know how to do... however i wont forgive myself... for not knowing how to do other simple qns!!!!this time... not so much abt time management.. it's more abt handling that immerse pressure doing the papers int he hall and quick thinking on the spot. there is no time to waste to think evaluate the qns... once u read it.. u must be able to dissect it almost immediately and answer correctly.i may sound selfish.. but i wish i'm not the only gone case.. i hope... i wont do that badly as i thought. i really have no faith in myself. absolute stand? yes i'm firm.hmmm ''life'' begins after fri. nov 18 shall be...couple of things i will be doing, but i dont know it will materalise.. moreover i need cash... i need a job. yet i am quite fussy.. i dun wish for a low paying one. hmmm.. jas and hx said being a promoter is tough.. hmmm i nv do before... no harm trying.. but i trust u pple.. since u guys said it will be quite hard... better not risk it right? it is the holidays and i wanna have a job which i enjoy and benefit from it...hahaha so ''high'' standards.. ya.. what kind of jobs do u expect... a mere waiting-for-alevels-results student???those who have lobang.... include me k??? ha. yeah after a few more days, i can fix a date with lin y.f to go shop for a nice cello.. yeahyeah!!! this is the most impt stuff i am looking forward to... since quite young.. i wish i could play a string instrument.. however my ma only asked my bro if he wanna play the violin.. and happily left me out :(after getting that cello.. i could start lessons soon.. dun worry zuxian.. i will teach u once i get the basics... and u must teach me how to play the guitar kk?? so cool.. i like this kind of upgrading.. i think it is good and beneficial for one to take up something new during the holidays... cultivate mind bah??next up will be driving bah... i hope to complete and pass my test before i get into uni (that's if i can go into uni) ... if i know how to drive.. can fetch my mama to the market instead of her walking under the hot sun almost every morning.. and maybe can fetch my bro to sch.. just like my sister fetching me to sch... so exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!hmmm what else.... go hone my piano skills so that i could take my grade 8 exams next year. regret not taking during sec 4..... waste of time.. my fingers are stiff as rock already.... sign language course.. provided i earn enough money to fund for my cello lessons... not cheap even though lin shao has given me a discount... jasmine arh!!!! if u knew yr sharps and flats.. u could teach me and i can save a pile man!!!!!!! oh yar.. realised my backbone is of a weird shape.. i can feel it... and since yesterday my spine hurts.. shit man.. i am only 18!!!! why must ageing signs showing?? i know i already have rhematism at the knee caps, i dun wish it happening to my backbone...so many problem to fret abt.... wonder if my life were as tough when i was younger... actually i shouldnt be worrying abt money problems..but i dun wish my parents to sponser me in everything i do.. like my sign language and cello lessons.. i wish to buy the cello with my ''own'' money.. and i can really call it MINE and i work hard for it...however for driving.. hahaha ONE lesson is not cheap man... damn ex laaaaaa.. no way i could afford it on my own...i read my frens' blogs. haiz... why why do they think the papers are easy?? haiz. to me.. the word easy is not directly proportional to the papers i sat. maybe it is just me. plain stupid. yes i know this fact ever since i stepped into tj. was it really easy? i dun even know whether can get B not.. ok to some of the smart pple.. laugh bah... nvm. demoralising..... but hey! what's new? i'm used to this feeling.. to an extent, sometimes it becomes numb... to numb to feel any saddness... everyone pins high hopes on me.. and i am going to let them down just like that. it doesnt justify the amount of work they have done for me... dun do so much for me.. not worth it. i am not worth it...sigh.
`scribbled at-
Wednesday, November 16, 2005