Monday, February 06, 2006
i cant believe it...i actually confide my worries in someone who i barely knew for 2 months...the person is one of my OLs. and to think that, after pouring my troubles to her...i.... cried. yar loh. " eeee, michelle!!! u so weak??!!!"yes, i tear-ed. why? cannot arh? very embarassing meh?i looked upon her as my elder sis... she takes quite good care of me... maybe because she is the mature one out of the lot.. and hehehe! the eldest..hmmm.. dunnoe why, but i felt much much better after ranting everything to her. it could be because only she... can listen to me saying those nonsense stuffs abt my pending a levels results. once my frens heard the word " a levels", automatically we will shun the topic on purpose.yar... it is quite like the knee-jerk action... and yes, i am like one of them... i know it could be irritating to hear someone saying abt a levels amd kinda spoilt the mood/ atmosphere for that moment, but i still need to say it.... maybe to someone else who doesnt need to worry abt the As.oh come back to my colleague. yar.. we had more than an hour of soulful talk... and she told me her experience.. nope, she didnt take the A levels.. she went poly.. however, she didnt regret it... she said.. if u work hard and strive for the ultimate results u want, nothing else matters.... who is going to care abt results and grades... oh... she graduated from poly, armed with the silver medal (read: the 2nd) for her cohort. (after which.. she went to UOL.. and graduated from first class honours too) and.. she is working so that she can earn enough money for her phD, how cool can that be???)yes... first class honours..to think that, she sunk into depression because she opt-ed for poly...nono.. i not talking abt " ya loh.. i should have went poly ..."maybe i am qi bian-ing myself, that no matter how horrendous my results will be, i should look forward.. and there is definitely SO SO MUCH more in life.....yar... councillor-type of reply...but can it really apply to me?i dunno how to put it.. however, after sitting for my a levels, i kinda "xing wu le" i am like no longer that playful mich in jc leh.. i felt a surge to thrive and do well in studies.. that kinda of strength and energy.... a feeling that i felt when i was sec 2...so i promised myself.. yes, irregardless of what i am getting, i am going to push myself. i hope i will fulfil my lifelong dream...... be like my colleague... put yr heart into what u are doing, u surely get what u deserve..aint no lying..i hope God will give me the chance to get into the university first...no words can describe my fears. i dun think u guys understand that deeply as i do. it might be the best gift i ever received... it might be the worst setback i ever gotten...who knows?maybe i wont live to the day to tell it all..melody, maybe i wanna follow yr method.. perhaps that day we could meet up..oh. i am visualising that day... i might just take and walk away to elsewhere... i dunnoe what to expect on mr low's face.sorry if i have disappointed u...i hope i didnt...this fear is too much for me to bear now... yar i shouldnt think and enjoy the remaining "freedom" days i left. but it is SO hard to forget and not to think because the days are really drawing so near...too near...so soon....i wish i will be like a normal jc student... get desirable results and get into a uni...i havent been normal for like so many times.. please i beg of u... dont let me take another blow... let me have some sweet ending of my tjc life....i need that miracle...when pple see the results, they wont even bothered even u said u have worked extremely hard for it...pple are superfical... maybe grades doesnt matter that much elsewhere.. but for HERE, it is everything.yes. it is everything.. and is my everything..well, all the best to those who will be taking their results soon... like me...
`scribbled at-
Monday, February 06, 2006