`weekiat*
`geraldine*
`huixian*
`virginia*
`erina*
'royston*
`benjamin*
`jasmine*
`jenny jie*
`val jiejie*
`tiffany*
`melody*
`iris*
`rachel*
'yuen leng*
'geraldine11*
'joel*
'sherry*
'terry*
`huikoon*
`tasneem*
`jocelyn*
`khinewa*
`sherman*
`sheryl*
`thiamkee*
`justin*
`bernard*
`kevin.caleb*
`tingzhang*
`inez*
`xiangting*
`luther*
`genevis*

i was dead WRONG.

initially, i tot, armed with abc would be enough points to get myself into local uni, taking the average ccc as the minimum. in that case, i got an average of bbb?

however, to my astonishment, i was very wrong.

with abc grades, i can go nowhere except for some lan courses, which doesnt have abit of link to what i was studying in college. how how?

sigh. today i went to career fair. i nearly wanna cry, i hardly can go to the courses i love to take.

so, i felt so useless and kinda being degraded when i was there. i m lousy.

yar. lousy. pple can get 3As, why cant you?

i am not them. it was a feat for me to be able to attain such passable grades...

i know, nothing can be done. aeronautical... impossible i guess.

"good a levels passes in maths and physics and another science subject..."

yar good. u know what it means? NOTHING but A.

i tot i was contented with my results, nono, dead wrong now.

i dun think i can do anything i like. unsure of getting my first choice....

anyway, i am going to die... sooner or later.

imagine having sore throat for a month? u can bear with the pain? i cant. i seriously cant. u know water? drinking water is much of than a CHORE to me... it is like mini injections? putting food/water down my throat is so hurting, that i rather not eat or drink. but i cant. i need to live.

why am i so afraid to jay-walk?

because i am such a scardy-cat. i am afraid to die. i always say, cannot die now, because i havent collect my a levels results. so now, what excuses i should say??

i havent go to university yet...

proceed on to: i havent found a bf, havent get married, havent havae kids, havent see my children grow up and get married....

so when will it be the best time?

dunnoe... fate...

i believe alot in fate....

i realised something, my feelings for him is getting stronger. i wanna say something which is so silly. i was on the bus, then i tried taking a short nap....

then, his face, the same expression he wore on results day suddenly surfaced to my mind. i was kinda taken aback. freaky? am i missing him too much??

what's the point michelle? too late isnt it? chances are there for you to grab, opportunities are there for you to take....

u did none. sad huh? blame it on yrself. u are afraid of certain pple knowing. scared of rejection. feeling remorseful. i can only snigger at myself.

gone. he will be gone.... please, such a fine young lad, which girl wont want? i bet... after going uni, chances of meeting him, ZERO.... till infinity.

haha, perhaps to console myself, i shall remain to be his supporter, his guidance angel? i pray for him getting good grades, pray he's doing well, pray he's well and healthy, and pray he's always so happy...

what other choices i have? what other things i can do for him except to pray quietly??

so silly... darn foolish to fall heads over heels for someone who doesnt even know...

`scribbled at-
Sunday, March 05, 2006