`weekiat*
`geraldine*
`huixian*
`virginia*
`erina*
'royston*
`benjamin*
`jasmine*
`jenny jie*
`val jiejie*
`tiffany*
`melody*
`iris*
`rachel*
'yuen leng*
'geraldine11*
'joel*
'sherry*
'terry*
`huikoon*
`tasneem*
`jocelyn*
`khinewa*
`sherman*
`sheryl*
`thiamkee*
`justin*
`bernard*
`kevin.caleb*
`tingzhang*
`inez*
`xiangting*
`luther*
`genevis*

i am pissed off.

and i am very certain it is not because of any imbalance of MY hormones.

it could be yours....

admit it.

me and this cannot-be-named grp of frens are organising a gathering. we meet up with each other perhaps say, once in 3 months? so.... our next meeting will be mth of april, which coincides with my bdae mth.

therefore they say, can celebrate my bda at the same time.

i was very happy that they are planning to do so, and definitely felt touched.

but then. the thing is, we just cant settle on a date.

i gave them a few dates already, but somewhat or another, one or two wont be able to make it.

ok. just today, one of them gave me a date. 13 april this thurs.

i already told them, i cant make it on thursdays.... yet they sort of insisted on that day.

ok reasons for not able to meet up on thurs are :

1) thurs are days whereby my whole team is relatively more free, so we can afford the time to go kbox or play badminton after our work. i really wanna spend more time with my colleagues..

then the second thing, i am planning to meet up my class girls this thurs. although it is not confirmed yet, it has been so long since i met up with them.

so... i rejected this fren of mine, telling her, can we not have it on a thurs... if everyone can make it on this thurs then ok loh...

HA! what the hell did she reply me....

" Eh, dont sound like we're forcing you leh! we're celebrating your bday! nvm if you're uncomfortable with the day, just throw me a day please."

this is the exact form of the sms.

for GOD'S SAKE! i already told u guys whether is mon 17april, 19 april, 21 april, any weekends or even good friday convenient to meet. and now u are asking me to throw u a date, like it is my fault.... and u guys are DOING ME A VERY BIG FAVOUR to celebrate my bdae.

u pple have the right to object the date to meet up whereas i dont.

what's wrong with u???!!!!

and i wanna slam my head on the wall. WHY IS MICHELLE SO STUPID TO SAY SORRY... and say okok... since everyone can make it.. we make it on a thurs.. settled arh...

WHY WHY. why did i give in???? why???

i am so SO ANGRY with myself.

i am chided on sms by someone and i apologised to her.

what the F***

i rarely use this word. i only use it when i am DAMN IT ANGRY.

kaoz.

i should have pluck up enough courage to say " FINE. dun meet up that's it. i dun need the big favour from u all to celebrate my bdae."

anyway it is just another normal day. i remembered last year, i had band prac on that day, and at night noone celebrated for me. family members not at home when i went home at 7pm. no presents. no cake from them.

it was my 18th bdae HELLO!

i woke up from then on. bdae doesnt mean a MUST to have presents and cake. i didnt have mine. the sense of lonliness that night was terrible. i wished noone would experience what i did. it was horrible.

imagine i had to cry myself to sleep. ha. nope, i am not saying because i wan pity. ha. i have grown stronger. dun celebrate DONE. if there is a celebration, THAT's GREAT OF COURSE!!!!

ha. from that sms, i feel that i am so... like i need them to celebrate with me.

dun sound like we are forcing you... we are celebrating your bdae.

sorry. but i dun need you all.

i am not going to reply any sms from you, and i am not going to turn up on thurs.

dun bet with me, because u will lose.

i am hell pissed leh!!!! melody... i need counselling again....

`scribbled at-
Monday, April 10, 2006