`weekiat*
`geraldine*
`huixian*
`virginia*
`erina*
'royston*
`benjamin*
`jasmine*
`jenny jie*
`val jiejie*
`tiffany*
`melody*
`iris*
`rachel*
'yuen leng*
'geraldine11*
'joel*
'sherry*
'terry*
`huikoon*
`tasneem*
`jocelyn*
`khinewa*
`sherman*
`sheryl*
`thiamkee*
`justin*
`bernard*
`kevin.caleb*
`tingzhang*
`inez*
`xiangting*
`luther*
`genevis*

i am angry!!!!! my whole family went out on their own. had their own programme! the thing is, i tot we are all going to ah ma house for dinner. they FORGOT to tell me today is free... how to jio frens out at this time!

RAIN SHIT ON THEM. i am freaking pissed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

u pple wont understand. dun ask me to calm down. there is no use.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i went for nus science tea session yesterday. suprisingly, i took only an hour to get there. plus waiting time for bus and internal bus at nus. quite fast hor?? hahaha maybe it is early saturday morning. but it beats 2hrs getting to ntu. luckily i got 2 straight bus that stop at kent ridge terminal.

anyway. the session was good. i was attentive.. and i know how the system in nus works. knew more about the course i wanna take and bidding system and the orientation, which i am not going for. alone, i went to talk to the professor for statistics. very good indeed. i managed to get most of the information i want from him, and how the bidding system thingy actually works.

so therefore, it is 99% i am going there.

i know the truth. but the truth hurts. can u imagine, your frens come telling you, that the course u wanna study, is actually not good, with not many career prospects and saying this course, they nv heard of and it is very unpopular.

do u know it make me feel super lousy?? u all think i wanna it to turn out this way? i didnt get my NTU letter. u pple keep asking me to take ntu biz. u think so easy???? i didnt even get the letter, how to get in there? the only choice i left is nus science. yayar, actually everything boils down to my poor results, happy? why didnt i study hard enought huh? i also wished i could do better, but there is a limit to how much i can do.

yar i know statistics is not popular, and it is not as presti as some other courses.so what.if u all dunnoe abt it, dun talk as if u all know. it is totally all right if frens say. how about family??

i am not having an easy time as well. i also can sense i am in bad mood lately. that is why, if possible, i try not to meet up with my frens. i am super afraid i will take it out on them. i am scared. oh nvm, maybe it is better hor, start losing frens and stuffs..........

i think i have a big serious problem with myself... maybe be a loner, i will be less playful and perhaps get better results in sch? dunnoe, but results is what matter to my parents bah.

actually being alone isnt that bad. i went to nus tea session all alone, dunnoe anyone there. went to talk to prof alone, went to have some snacks alone. everyone giving me a look, but i didnt care abt them. maybe this is the real michelle bah.

i am facing a crisis. i should ask for some help eh? i reject any help. thankyou to all. maybe i am facing a very difficult phrase. let me get out of this shit myself. i am frustrated. but i am fine. this problem wont be solved so easily. so no pt asking me am i all right? because the only answer i willing to say is, i am perfectly fine. ignore me huh?

maybe i should start watching movie alone. that's first step.
next up, going kbox alone.
followed by, going to some crowded restaurant, and ask for a table for 6 and sit alone.
then, go to a club, ask for loads of booze and drink alone....

ignore me.

`scribbled at-
Sunday, May 21, 2006